Damn Socialists
In a stroke of legislative genius, the House of Representatives voted overwhelmingly to restrict access from any library, school or public building to any social website through which independent internet users can post comments or engage in any social behavior. With so many sexual predators sitting at home soliciting minors through social networking, the legislature sought to remove the possibility that anyone might fall vicitim to the Internet version of free candy while under the supervision of responsible librarians, teachers and government officials. In one simple bill, Congress has brilliantly obviated the need to shield public officials from litigation should some kid get into the car of an adult so long as they first met on myspace. Parent’s have been doing such a great job or monitoring their children’s Internet usage that Congress felt it proper to simply disallow any public Internet access that might be used for socialization. In a bout of paranoia paralleled only by that experienced at the height of the cold war, when asked why they might choose to restrict what is arguably the most useful aspect of the Internet an anonymous Congressman answered, “it’s a series of tubes.”